cuteandcompact

I actually wouldnt say i have any confidence. I have so many flaws i cant even count them. I have insecurities, so many of them. I dislike the way i look, my hight, my body, my face, so basically everything. I hate the way i am, the way my brain works. How im not school smart, and even though im not the brightest person you might know, i wouldnt say im dumb. But then i hate how small things affect me, like how people continulesly say im not smart, that im stupid, and ofcoarse if you hear it long enough, it feels like there is no point in even trying to prove them wrong. I hate that sometimes, i have a hard time letting things go. I can hold a grudge for way longer than needed. I hate how when im mad, everything that has ever bothered me comes into mind. I hate that as much as i want to change, i just cant. Which is why i've switched hair colour so many times, to try to find something that gives me a little boost of confidence, enough for me to change just a little. I hate how when i need to cheer up, or when im down, i look for the most stupid things to do to see if it would make me feel better, that just completely mess everything up even more. I hate the relationships i have, friends, family, actual relationships. I just feel like the back up plan all the time. Friends... How many people actually ask me to do things with them..? not many. My family, we just get on each others nerves and we just cant spend a day together without something pissing someone off. Relationships... I dont even know what to say there.. maybe its just not for me. I hate how i have so many thoughts that i just cant get out. I hate how i cant talk properly to people, how i just hate confrontation. I hate how when im mad, its the only time i actually feel kinda free. Like i can do anything. I guess i just feel. It makes me want to be mad more than i am. I hate how im just unhappy most of the time. I hate how it affect teh people around me and how it just makes me want to disapeare most of the time. I hate that i write this here because im not sure who to talk about this to or even if i want to... The thing i hate the most, is that i cant understand what people like about me. Simply because, there is so little to like.