cuteandcompact

Found these awesome skull rings in Glitter that i think im gonna buy later ^^
Oh my god.. i'm watching Svenska Hollywood Fruar with my family.. CSI is on channel 5 now at the same time... Why do we have to watch this?! :O
Riiight.. i have to do french.. for tomorrow... hmm.. Oh well maybe later and tomorrow morning. My happy bouncy energy has gone down a little.. :O OMG!!!! Oh well Mohahah! now i dont have to wait for my jeans to be washed i can use my new ones ^^ awesome :3
yeah i has nothing to right about..

I like today, had minor mood swings but ended up good. I went for a walk with the dog and my sister. It was COLD, but quite nice. WOO! I think i might actually have enjoyed her company today. HAha ledsen Nena. Then we went shopping stuff. Main point stuff for her. But OMG!!! something incredible happened!!! I found jeans!!! :O that never happens! So i was happy but now i owe my sister money.. -.-  But she bought me a ring so its ok ^^ Im quite happy right now. I HAVE CANDY!!!! MOHAHAHAHAHHAHAA yeah thats right :P GAAH I wanna jump hug attac someone :O!!!
oki byebye :3
♥♥♥♥♥

My body is aching, i dont know what i've done. It feels like there are bruises on my arms, ribs and right underneath my ribs. But no bruises are there. I've tried stretching and kinda massaging but the pain wont go away. Im only glad it doesnt hurt too much. But still annoying though.

I just listened to We Ride by Rihanna. Its actually good.. But more of a summer evening song/car song. I really want summer right now.. Go to France and hang out with friends. Miss hanging out at the beaches in Cannes with people. I really hope i go there during the summer.
One thing that is really strange is how i sometimes just want to take a long pointless car ride around mougins with my sister, radio on and just enjoy the heat with windows open.. Maybe i've just been in sweden for a while too long now...

Watching miami ink, which is making me think more and more about what im getting.. I dont have that much time before im supposed to get it. About 5 months untill my birthday, which is when im getting it. A present from my sister. But i dont want something random, I want something that actually means something But its so difficult. I dont want something thats big. I want something small and descrete. Something that has to do with my family in one way, but at the same time something that is personal. But yeah a few months left to think about it.

♥



This is what i wanted before just after Iggy died, Still want it but it's too big.. Pretty though right?

Was really nice at Maddies place yesterday. Fun and cozy. Today, i should work on stuff.. But i dont think i will.. I never do.. stupid. Gonna try though. I didnt sleep much tonight either but i forced myself to stay in bed for 3 extra hours. Didnt help, im still tired. Gonna make breakfast.. or lunch. Which ever. Gonna be lame and watch Dinosaur King on Disney XD.

Fell alseep on the sofa yesterday.. I hardly had energy to make myself go up stairs. As usuall, i woke up early by myself.. Woke up at 7. Today is just one of those days when the weather is bad, everything feels and you just want someones company. Im gonna attempt to bake cupcakes today, well maybe. If i find a recipie and if i have the stuff. Then later its off to Maddies.

Strange day today. Managed to get myself to art on time. Was feeling so extreamly tired and hungry. I just wanted to lay down and sleep, I didnt even have the energy to pay any notice to the teacher. I dont even know if she talked to me during the lesson. Still somehow i managed to get a headache. Then because of the fact that most swedish teachers also tach language and happened to go on language trips this week. We didnt have swedish so me and Tippan spent about a little less than two hours doing nothing and eating lunch. Lunch, made me even more tired. You know the feeling when you feel exhausted and if someone says something to you, you will just fall into a pile on the floor and cry..? Well thats basically what happened during the english lesson.. Why? Well the teacher asked me how it was going for me, since i seemed quite unfocused and down. I felt my eyes tearing up and just said i had a headache and didnt feel well, and ofc tears started falling... For first time, i couldnt manage to keep a straight face. So he asked me to step outside and talk. That wasnt too good since i started crying quite a bit. He thought something was seriously wrong. Which made me feel worse and i started crying more.. Ended ok though. Stopped crying and he gave me a few minuits to collect myself before going back to class. Didnt feel too talkative though and yeah.. Felt i needed comfort though. Which i got. So thanks. <3

And it also helped that i got to go food shopping with my mom and sister. It's fun for some reason.. And i got candy and chips :3. I feel better now. I got to make ribs for dinner.. It's taking a while but its worth it. It is the best thing ever. It should be done in about 40 min. It's worth waiting for. Now i have to watch Lets Dance with my family.. But atleast they really want to spend time with me. Makes me happy that they show it. Ok well sometimes. :P So off i go to the tv.. I think im gonna cut up some carrots and make some dip.. Yum ^^

Thanks <3


Cause cookies are awesome :3

My mood just went to an all time low.. I hate it. Had random mood swings lately. Been in strange moods and i don't know why. I have art tomorrow, I really REALLY dont want to go. My interest for art has almost disappeared.. I want to pick art for next year.. Or i wanted.. but i dont see the point anymore.. Im too tired.. Felt tired for like a week. I dont really feel like doing anything.. But being alone seems to be impossible. I have no clue whats going on with me right now. Just seems everythign i've had interest for... I dont anymore. It sucks and its bringing me down.. I really dont want to go to art tomorrow... And i dont have swedish tomorrow either anyways.. So have about two hours before the next lesson.. Feels pointless. Everything does right now. Why am i being so emo? I have no clue.. Dont like it though.. Maybe cause im tired, but i dont know why im tired and i dont feel tired enough to go to bed early, so i stay up untill 11, which is normal, but i wake up by myself around 5 or 6 in the morning.. Why cant i sleep properly?! Feels like if someone says something wrong im too tired and i might cry.. almost happened to the studievägledaren today.. Not very fun.. I need sleep. My teddy doesnt take up enough space in my bed.. feels empty somehow.. But then again, i cant sleep properly if i dont have space.. I dont like this.

Slept over at Anna's yesterday, we were kinda emo. Felt better later though after a very fun time talking to James on the phone. ^^
So woke up today, and the everything was fine. Good. Went to an art museum for the history class. I actually enjoy just looking at art.. Sounds shit boring but i like it. How every art piece is open for free interpitation. But yeah anyways. Took wrong train so ended up by school. Which was good cause i needed to talk to person in school anyways about my choices for next year. Didnt help.. at all. Got my mood down.. I REALLY want pasta... been wanting pasta for about 2 weeks now.. Its slightly strange..
watching charmed.. miss that show. Lame but i like it. bye bye

A very exciting day.. Woke up at 6 and fell aslepp and woke up about 5 times before deciding to get up around 10. Get up, eat and watch tv. And what else then  DISNEY CHANNEL!!!!!:D and what made my day so far? Laundry. Now i am watching/listening to knappnytt about twilight while watching gay iceskaters flash their.. talent on ice. ÅH EDWARD VAR ÄR DU? KOM OCH BIT MIG! JAG VET ATT DU KOMMER OCH RÄDDAR MIG! Anyways. Oh didint know french men skated...
Gonna meet anna later. Woo! Wow this is gay... gaygaygaygaygay. Only girls can make iceskating look good. This only means one thing. back to disney! :D Yes pointless rambling, as pointless as my life!! GAAAH emo! :P
No gotta get dressed and stuff now.. <3

This is gonna be interesting.. :/

Ok listening to my sister speaking french with a bad accent while listening to hilary duff... im going mad. time to change music.

Got awesome t-shirts today ^^
¨i think my sister just orgasmed on my bed O.o I DIE!!! no just kidding.
HAHAHAH.

I have no clue what to write... -.- fuck it.

Its strange how it can go from +5 degrees one day to -5 the next. It's quite nice though when there's snow when you're walking. But its really time for the snow to melt. I need the sun and heat. Well ok so i've got sun.
OH! Person i know is with in Körslaget! Go Oscar go!!! :D I mean now i have to watch that show just to see his awesomeness on tv. ^^ (team mojje :P). His rocker style with red streak in his hair in KÖRSLAGET!!! XD kinda funny but awesome ^^ But now im off to school. ^^


(jag snodde bilden fråm facebook. MOHAHAHAH)
<3

As much as i wish for the snow to disappear so i can feel the heat, for flowers to feel like it's ok to bloom, for the sun to shine, for things to grow.. I want winter to stay. I want the dark. I feel i need it.. The peace it brings me.  The fact that the day has passed and you've made it through once again.. The thoughts that come and go because of it. Everything just seems so much clearer during the nights.. Like most of your worries faint, that they give you a break.

I look out my window.. Just watching the dark.. There is nothing more beautiful than the dark. It has so many emotions mixed in one light. It's scary, beautiful, calming, playful and just in some way, in lack of a better word, sorta romantic.. Yes, strange thing, coming from me. But as much as i hate to admit it, dont we all have a semi-romantic side? A part of you that just pictures something perfect. A dream. It's a dream that probably won't be touched. Im not in any way going to give in to the fact that i have that side, why? Because it's a side i'm afraid of..

But anyways, I know this is my 3rd post or something today. Just feel like writing. And all the time it feel like something new should be written. And i just feel like the dark just helps. Wouldn't say it inspires me.. But it does help. Even though most of the things i write later turns out to be emotional or mushi.. I just want one day, where it would be dark.. one whole day..

I need sleep, Felt so tired this morning.. Why can't we sleep when it is light outside.. I think thats what i love about the idea with vampires.. The fact that they live their lives during the night in the dark.. I'd love to try that one day..
But enough for today. Good night and sweet dreams.

Almost forgotten how cute Pon and Zi are.. Just adorible. <3

It's been an ok day actually. Different emotions flowwing through my body the whole day. Was sad, then angry and then down again.. Untill after school when i kept Tippan company for a while with Faidon. We didnt leave untill 15.10. It really got me in a better mood for some reason. I guess cause it got my mind set on other things. Was nice anyhow. I have to apologize to Tippan though. Didnt mean to mess around, i feel bad. <3 But yeah, got home about 40 min ago. It's nice to be alone for once.. Even though i hate the loneliness and the quiet that surrounds me, it's quite enjoyable. No one asking me things, noone wanting my attention. Just being left alone.. I really cant stop listening to +44 for some reason.. I have just fallen in love with their songs. They are amazing.
Im sorry for the last posts that have been quite emo. Just had waves of emotion drowning me, and felt i needed to say things somewhere. A way to gasp for air. I think it worked a little. Food wasn't that good in school today so i am starving.. bye.

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the Sun shining in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway

The Last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
The next time you see me, i'll turn away
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night,
I couldn't feel you, your always too far away.

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

<3
One of my new favorite songs...

I messed up, i dont remember what i say when its important.. cant we forget and try again? this is important for me.. and hopefully for you. It all came out wrong last time and i need the right things to be said. im sorry..

I get the feeling part of me is going to want to be left alone tomorrow.. All day.. Probably wont be able to but can always hope..

Two defense mechanisms i have are that i build walls, i run and hide. I feel like shit more or less for just being who i am.. Might just be one of those days, but just feels like i should shut my mouth and sit quietly somewhere where i wouldn't be noticed. Everything i say just seems to turn out the wrong way, it just sounds different to what i mean to say. Feels like sometimes, i just say things that hurt others, it really makes me feel like i should go jump in front of a train or something.. god, cuteandcompact.. stupid name on a blog. Im sorry for this totally pointless shit of a text.. Maybe i do apologize too much.. Cant really help it though when it feels like everything im doing is just wrong.. Gonna stop here..

So right before bed yesterday i felt kinda sick, almost like i was about to throw up.. I think it's quite strange since it was about two weeks ago that i was sick and threw up. Can't be sick again already?! But thank god i felt a little better this morning. Had a stomach ache and stuff but now im enjoying a glass of påskmust and a rice cookie thing. Yum. Was in town before with my mom and my sister cause of the nice weather. FINALLY! The sun is shining and its not snow everywhere. I was kinda surprised when i looked out the window and noticed that the snow was gone! Pleasant surprise though. And just because im determined that its spring, i decided to wear my lather jacket. Was kinda cold but totally worth it! SPRING! :)

Had plans for this weekend. They partly had to be cancelled. Ok I really don't mind trying to be there for someone when they need me, but when they just want to to sit around, not even close, I can get annoyed.. I mean, Ok i feel sorry for you, but i can't really help. So what do you want from me? There's a HUGE fuck off sign on your forehead. Am i supposed to drop EVERYTHING for you? Im not going to go around in circles. Not gonna do everything to please you. I am going to do what i want. But I will keep out of your sight as much as i can.

I love my sister. No matter how annoying she can get, how much she can hate me, how much we both can fuck up each others lives, the fact is that I love her. During this passed year she has just changed so much, but for the better. Even though she has become more mature and responsible, she still has her awesome sense of humor that can bring you up even if you don't want to. Yes it is a kind of humor not many people get but it just makes her unique.  Though things don't work out between some, I'll try to make sure she's ok.. Even though i fail most of the time and try to joke things away (at the most inappropriate times), offer food I just want to show her Im here for her. Like i've told her (indirectly) Im happy when she is happy, and if she wants me to crush someone's nuts between two rocks, OFC ill do that (plus MOHAHAHAH could be fun :P).

Ha ha! thought this was gonna be all serious didn't you? Nope. Yesterday i looked all fjortis. Yep. Im too lazy to change and take a picture and i didn't take one yesterday so yeah, lets just say, lace and pink. I was laughed at, called cute and fjortis, stared at and yeah. Was a fun day. Saw alice in wonderland in 3D. Was pretty good. But didn't get that it was a follow up on the disney movie until closer to the end. But was worth seeing at least once. Anne Hathaway who played the white queen moved quite funny. Hand movements and yeah. Was slightly entertaining. Yeah bored and don't have much to write about. <3

Wow... people! be fun! comment more! ^^

The sun was shining bright all day today. I couldn't resist walking the dog with my mom in the morning and then take an afternoon walk with the dog, my sister and my mom. I don't know why, the sun just made me happy. Felt hopeful today. The sun was just so bright and warming, was hard not to feel happy. Me and my sister are determined that spring is here, so of coarse we had to take our sun-glasses. Although, think spring really is on its way. The ice is slowly melting, and if you look at the ice hanging from the roofs you can see drops of water sliding down and hitting the ground. Can't wait for a little warmth to come.

So bought some things when i went shopping with my mom and sister today. Sweater thing and a top. YAY! Its pink and pretty. I have a thing for pink right now. HYPER! Anyways, put it on and i look very fjortis so decided RACOON MAKEUP!! And that is what i did. I look very fjortis/emo/racoon. And i had ice cream! Pigelin! Tasted so good! My nails are manicured too. Pretty home made. Fjortis style. :P Orka write more now. Pictures!

I keep waking up at around nine every morning. It's like an alarm in my head going off and not letting me stay in bed. Doesn't matter how long i stay up the night before, i will still wake up early. It feels like i have so much work to do but.. Feel like giving up. For some reason it's what i've felt like since a while back. School work just seems.. pointless. I don't want to fail my subjects but i just can't seem to be bothered. Im just tired of working on things that i don't learn anything from, that i don't know what Im actually writing or reading about. What's really the point of it..? Learn a bunch of nonsense to show off grades so we can get a good job? Cant you be good at something without having flashy grades? I think so. Yeah sure things we learn in school can be good, but yeah, i give up. Everytime i come to a conclusion.. I end up not liking the results, even though i know it was my choice..

So there's something about the snow falling.. It's just so peaceful, calming, beautiful. I love to watch the snowflakes dance in the air.. floating around, up and down, twirling, spinning and slowly falling. I swear i can just sit and watch the snow fall for ages. I do love snow, i wouldn't want a winter without it. But i feel a need for change. Something different than the cold that keeps us staying inside somewhere.. I want to be able to go outside and sit somewhere by water and just listen to music in the sun.. I want the beautiful white glittery snow to melt away, just like all thoughts that i've got because of it. But for now, all i can do is just enjoy the snow, and thats what i'll do.

Woke up early today. Around 8. Got up and had a shower. Got ready for the day since i'd promised my sister that i'd help her find some cloths that are work appropriate. Yeah so didn't go too well but i promised i'd help her after work. So at 5 im off out again. I still dont feel well and trying to eat at McDonalds wasnt that good of an idea. Hopefully i'll feel well enough for thursday so i can go to Tokio Hotel. I went into carlings before and they had a poster where it said Neverstore was gonna play at Nalen On thursday.. I got way annoyed. I would have gone to that instead of tokio hotel if i'd known.. Oh well. Got a cute shirt today that according to my sister reminds her of me.. Cute baby killer penguin. It's adorible. Gonna relax now. maybe sleep a bit.

Been in front of the TV and computer all day. I hate sitting at home. So boring and eventless. At least i've found some new bands that i like. One of them was The Spill Canvas. The bands i found were quite different from each other. My taste of music usually depends on what mood Im in, as i guess it is for everyone. But anyhow. Having had nothing to do today i just realized that i really cant write in a way that sounds good. I lack that talent, so everything i write ends up being pointless rambling. I wish i could write in a way that would get people to want to read. I guess part of why Im not very good at writing is because of that i don't write what i want most of the time. I could probably, but some people who read this would comment or make fun of what i write. So i guess fear and misunderstanding is contributing to it as well. Oh well. Im going to continue watching TV now.

Ok so surprise surprise, sick once again. From saturday evening to sunday morning i was puking like nothing else! Was horrible. And felt very bad since i wasn't even at home. So at around 8 i went home. Feeling better now but still not good. Kinda sucks. Haven't eaten properly since saturday around lunch. But hey, at least i get lots of coke. Thats always good. Vinter kräk sjukan? Nah, probably something i ate. So now im sitting here watching disney channel once again. Aladdin is awesome though!