cuteandcompact

Last night i slept 14 hours. Was late for french and missed it. But i couldnt have cared less. Had phycology twice today cause the history teacher wasnt there. I have no clue whats going on with me right now. I go from ok mood to, dont talk to me, to happy, to sad, to mad, to sad and just mixes between mad and sad. I want people to leave me the fuck alone at the same time as i just strangely enough want to be close to someone. Everything just feels pointless.. I feel like there's nothing i do that will do anythign for me. Also feels like im always the second choice.. Always. Feels like im stupid, boring, like i dont matter, like if i disapeared, no one would notice. Doesnt feel great.. Doesnt help when you want to be alone and your dad complains that youre mad all the time. Parents can be mad all they want and you cant even ask to be left alone.. Oh well, tomorrow i have art, which means me sitting at a table with guys ignoring them with mad music on my phone that my sister put in. Oh how great. All of tomorrow is gonna suck cause of the lessons i have and that i have absolutely nothign to do after school. Why cant i be alowed to go out without them calling me every second hour.. Oh well getting tired of hearing my dad ask me who im talking to. So off i go.

Came to the 1st lesson i had. Aparently we were suposed to start half an hour later than we were told. And then the teacher didnt show up. Great fun. So went for coffee with Anna. Then we had to go back for french. That lesson was pretty pointless too. Didnt do anything. But atleast i get attendans for going. After school went into town with my mom to look at the sales at H&M cause we have 3 cupons that give 20% off on sales items. Didnt fins anything. Came home, and suprise suprise, I got to make dinner tonight without any comments/questions (such as, "who wants to go out for dinner?". So, YAY! Am now sitting trying to do art, that has to be done  for tomorrows lesson. So off i go!

The Russian Pigeons! in penguin form! ^^

Dont start untill 12.00 today so thats pretty nice. Exept i got up at 9.00 so i could shower. Now im done and ready and dont have to leave untill about an hour. Ztv is nice in the morning. I look pretty fjortis today.. But its ok. Cant bother to really care. :)

BUBBLA!


Fjortis much? :P

So today i went jeans hunting with my mom. But since im so short its very difficult to find the rigth length,nearly impossible. Thats why i love tights jeans. Shorter and stretchy. Very comfortable. So i got two today. YAY! Also i got a dress for spring and summer, when its warmer. Its very nice. My mom actually bought some things too. So proud. I need to buy sweaters though. Found one but i didnt have enough money to buy it today. Next month i will though. Boredom. aaand im out..

What an exciting friday. Im sitting at home, watching Ztv and drawing. Gonna meet up with my friend Ellen later. But thats not until like around 4. No one is answering my texts... Not very fun. Anyhow. Me and Ellen and her firend are going to go see Sherlock Holmes. The stupid thing is it doesnt start untill 20.40 Which is pretty late. Hopefully it'll be fun. Before that i am hoping to find some things on sale. Got things from H&M that take 20% off the sales prise. So i mean i have to go. I have 3 of those. Just have to wait for my parents to give me money from when i cleaned. I have to focus on drawing now so i can rub it in my art teachers face.

Was thinking bout cutting my hair short.. probably wont do it though. What you think?

My parents are back home. And wow, it was so nice when they were gone. Yes lonely, but oh so nice. Almost want them to go again... and take the dog with them. Im so nice arent i. Not my fault that they're so loud and annoying. Even though its only half past nine my dad now told me to go to bed.. But wait what is this? They changed model for Gina Tricot! Strange, she's been their model for ages, wow.. Im sad. Any how. Friday tomorrow. Which means i start 08.20 With art. God i hate art now. I dont think im going to go to that lesson. Then i have swedish and psychology then end. so i end around twelve which is kinda awesome. Might meet Ellen. Wonder if i can get money from my parents a bit earlier than im supposed to. I just realised i didnt get paid for cleaning. I think. Ill ask my mom later. CSI is on so im going to watch that and find something to eat. Maybe cereal. Wow, Anna was right. I do eat cereal all the time. Oh well i like it. <3


RANDOM PICTURE!

My bangs were the wrong way and kept going in my face..

so i woke up a bit late this morning when i was supposed to get up at like 8 to walk the dog. So got up at around 10. And the 1st thing i had to do was clean up his puke.. he had thrown up on two places. Oh joy. Then i walked him and ofc right before ross takes a dump, a see this man and my mind goes, oh no, he's gonna comment on something that has to do with the dog. And was i right? Yep. "exuse me, you forgot somehting in the snow" I didnt have a bag, but aparently that wasnt a good enough answer. He had to go on and on. "what about the people that clean the streets. think they want to pick that up?" "You dont have a bag? You never have a bag do you?" sometimes! "*fnys*". I just want to hit people like that, cause if they had a medium sized or big dog they wouldnt have commented. Its only people with small dogs or with no dogs that comment on these things. Its so annoying.
Helena du vet presis vad jag pratar om.

Anyways, my parents are coming back home today. YAY! i dont have to walk the dog in the evening. But I have nothign to do during the day.. sucks. Feel kinda isolated. And for some reason my cell phone wont work properly. i cant call or text anyone, and they cant reach me.. Its so strange and annoying. I might go into town later.. alone.. oh joy. Probably wont though.. :/

Realised that my mind just wont make up its mind. I keep wanting two completely oposite things at the same time. No matter what its about. I cant make up my mind. Maybe thats why my mood keeps going down all the time, why i dont wnat people to talk to me, why i want to be left alone.. Cause then i dont have to make any decisions, wouldn't have to make up my mind about anything. Wouldnt have to stand the fakeness that surrounds us all. Feels like Its all fake. And there's no point in trying anymore, if i even tried to start with. Just to hear people talk and empty words just fly out. No one really cares about anything. Everything is so superficial and shallow. Just seems like being alone is the simplest answer right now.

I dont feel like i really care about anything anymore. Anything i had an interest in before, has just disapeared. Its gone, vanished. Like before, I could sit and draw, paint or sketch and really enjoy doing it. Now picking up and pencil and drawing a line seems like a waste of time. I mean i used to be good at art. It was the one lesson i couldnt wait to go to. And now, i just cant wait to get away from it.. What the hell happened for the thing that made me happy just to make me feel so down..? Feels like i've become one of those superficial girls who only care about how they look and shit. Hate it, so im slowly but surely starting to hate myself more and more. What the hell is going on..?

Hope these feelings will pass real soon. But not much to do about it now. Fuck the world. ^^


Helena,
inga frågor, för jag kan inte svara på nått. Det kanske bara är så här jag känne just nu och det kanske går över. Så låt det vara. Alla har sina dagar då inget känns rätt. Det borde du veta. Så låt det vara. Och sluta stalka mig -.- Shit jobbigt ju.. Och du kunde updaterat din blogg mer än du gort.

Every second week i have to clean my brothers office so its all shiney and clean for the following week. Which is fine, I mean, I do get paid and who doesnt like getting money. But today, i felt dead to begin with, then i had to help my mom clean the apartment. Was ok, I did, no problem. But then take a break to clean the office for about two hours and then come back home and clean more. I've been cleaning since 10.30 this morning. Yaaaay. Well at least my room is the cleanest its been in a while. Its very neat aswell which is kinda... scary.  Feels kinda empty. Its nice though. Ive found more gluetak (spelling.. -.-) so i can put up more pictures on my walls! But now i have to find my photo album.. I think its in a box somewhere. Omg my arms hurt like fuck for some reason, and my back... and ribs/stomach. Its really strange. I'll stretch or something later, might help. Anyways now i have to continue cleaning, cause no, im not done. Off I go <3

A picture i found of me from like three years ago.
i think its cute and emo <3

Ibland så måste jag bara älska min syster. Speciellt när hon skickar mejl med helt random saker. Som just detta;
http://www.expressen.se/halsa/1.1843494/darfor-ar-din-stora-rumpa-bra-for-halsan
Jag tyckte det var roligt. Haha helena, önskar du inte att du var jag nu? Jag kommer leva längre eller vad det nu stod!  Jag fikade med en kompis idag, det var roligt. Måste göra det igen. Eftersom mitt hår nu har blivit orange ska jag nu prova ett annat tonings märke. :P Schwarzkorf country colours. So lets see how this will go :P <3

Oh! im happy today!!! :D  Jag vill kolla på bröderna fluff!!!!! XD

Nej, imorrn börjar skolan. Woo träffa kompisar! Nej. Eller jo men jag har fortfarande inte gort mina essays. Alla sm skulle vara klara och inskickade nu. Smart gort. 3 veckor och jag har inte gort ett skvatt. Så ni kan fatta at jag inte ser fram imot imorgon. Har typ humör svägningar eller nått. Helena är nog glad att hon inte är hemma just nu. Nej men igår va trevligt (disney kväll). Fast jag typ half sov genom hälften av filmerna. Och för att jag e försyld, snarkade när vissa skulle sova.. Woops. Men jaja INTE mitt fel. Nej, ush vad jag är uttråkad. Får se hur det blir imorrn. <3

Pictures from dad's birthday yesterday and some pictures from today.






Inredningen :S fina lampor, tavlor i taket, och draperi som hänger från taket.

Grejer som hände från bordet och kittlade mina ben  :P jag vet slamp strumpbyxor :P



creepy smile.. :S

Jag gorde tydligen något roligt. :S

Va trött av all mat och kunde inte sluta skratta.

Lyckades samla mig.. några sekunder. :P

Pappas födelsedags smurf.  Visst är jag en bra dotter? :P
 Dom såg lite roliga ut. :P


Idag:

Mamma och jag promerade i en timme. :)

Det var soligt och mysigt. :)

VOILA!

Där har du Helena. :) Kram på dig. <3

Staying up until 6 in the morning is a bad idea. Was supposed to meet Anna T to go bowling today, I over slept and then she had to cancel.. Anyhow. I woke up at 12 something. So i am kinda tired now, and i have to walk the dog before i go to bed. My dads birthday tomorrow. Gotta go get his present. ORKA! Oh well, more tomorrow.

For about an hour or so now, i've been sitting in my room, on my bed, waiting for my pants to dry. Otherwise, it will be very cold to walk around. Am plannig to go buy chips and soda cause people are coming over to watch movies. Will probably be fun. God since like yesterday or sometime, ive had like strnage moodswings. Im gonna try to ignore them but like right now, im really annoyed cause of the damn pants that never seem to dry. Just to have somethign to do before, i cleaned my room a bit, fixed in my sisters room a bit, put pictures on my wall, straightened my hair.. twice, played solitare with real cards. I think thats about it. Oh downloaded a few songs by Taylor swift. Now i've been listening to the same damn songs for like two hours. I really like one of the songs though, called fifteen. Its quite cute. Total chick song though.. Helena, du kommer nog tycka om den, men inte texten. Maybe I should bake.. But then i probably have to go buy stuff before i start, and if people are coming at five i wont have a lot of time. Oh well, i can buy cookies later. My dad found this picture that was took of me and a friend way long time ago, maybe 8 years ago. Its kinda cute. My friends mom sent it to us a while ago but my dad just found it again. Took a copy of it and now it is going up on my wall. I need more gluetag or whatever its called. Well, im off. <3

Helena! Du får fundera på när du ska komma hem igen. Vem ska jag annars pringa runt och dansa med på gatan när hunden ska ut? Eller helt randomly säga "vildmarken måste utforskas KRA KRA RAWR!" med? (blev på mind om den meningen idag, och då tänkte jag på dig). Nej, du får ta och pallra ditt lilla halv tränade arsle hem igen. Så mjuff på dig. Ring maej sänn. :)

My friend Anna T sent urban dicionary to me on facebook with her name. Was funny so decided too look up two of my names. Was kinda funny.






Pokemon?! :D


Helena, du håller nog med den här första meningen antar jag. :P

It was quite a good day. Me and my mom went into town for a bit during the day and we bought twister. YAY! Then came home dyed my hair red again (pretty), and yeah got ready and stuff. Got my new years presents, love them. Got a dress and a blazer. Ibbe, came over. Poor thing had to suffer through the eternal talks with my parents :P But he survived so is fine. Didnt really do much but eat all evening, since no one wanted to play twister with me. Silly people. Then went to see the fireworks in humlegården, And stupid as i am, i forgot my camera.. Didnt actually take one picture. Well my dad did but mohahah i was facing the wrong way. Yes yes, silly me. Got home and had ice cream. Ja helena, sån där apelsin glass som vi äter på nyår. But yeah, thats basically the whole day. Was nice. :) <3



One of teh two pictures my dad took, aka the only pictures taken that day.
and of coarse the emo is posing...  :P