~ This is my slightly extreamly emo side talking... >_>
Think i might delete my blog. Its very pointless and i rarely write what i want anyways so its just filled with shit. The important things i feel i write somewhere else anyways so i still get it out of my system. Not even sure why i still have this blog... Maybe ill just change the thigns i write... not delete it. We'll see i guess.
So besides that. I feel like shit. Yes big surprise there right. Might wonder if im ever happy, and yes, yes i am. But when you're happy you usually dont feel the need to write anything. Strange isnt it. Whenever you're happy you just want to enjoy the moment for as long as you can. But when you're sad you just want to get it out of our system, and anger... well revenge pops into mind doesnt it along with screaming, hitting, punching, even crying? Oh and then ofc we have the oh so formiliar feeling of jelaousy. Its funny how that works now isnt it. You can be jelaous of people for so many reasons. Its just so easy to get it and oh so hard to get rid of. To be honest there's probably something with everyone i know that i am jelaous of. Well no one is perfect. Perfect really doesnt excist.. I mean perfect for me could be imperfect to you. Perfection doesnt excist in itself. So why are we trying so hard to be something that doesnt excist? It doesnt really make sense. But i guess its always something that keeps us working harder and stuff.
Proving our existance is something i dont really understand. I mean yes, i excist, im here arent i? But what huge difference does that make? Not hell of a big one. The only people who i actually think care properly is family sometimes, cause if you think about it, friends usually forget about you after a while. If you change or they change you might suddenly end up not talking to them. Like when i was smaller, my best friend was this girl called Lola. We were as close as two 7 year olds can be. Then we both moved. We wrote letters and pictures to eachother for a while, but after about two years... the letters stoped coming. Really hadnt talked to her until i found her on facebook again where i tried to catch up and get back in contact with her... she didnt seem too interested. But yeah. Friends come and go. Things that seem important now wont later.
And oh my, relationships.. yes im going to go into this. I think the biggest reason why people are in relationships are, well because of the fear of being alone. Sure its all nice to have someone to cuddle up with and someone to tell you you are pretty and shit. But sooner or later, we all know its gonna end. So its pretty much pointless. Relationships arent really about loving someone. Its finding someone who can stand you for who you are for a longer period of time. Reason why i fail at relationships is mostly because i dont want to get too attached. I hate being hurt. So when i get too close to someone. Its bye bye. Defencemechanism. Its good and bad. Good cause i dont really get hurt, bad cause i always seem to loose all my guy friends. But like said, friends come and go. And relationships also suck when you feel like mean less then you'd hope. Really.
Right now im really just down... Everything is shit. I mean everything. GAH! i cant wait til i get back to sweden where i wont be stuck. Cant wait til i start dancing again. Cant wait to have something to do! Cant wait to see people who actually enjoy my company. Cant wait to get to take walks wherever, go on busses and subways. I want to go home!!!
So besides that. I feel like shit. Yes big surprise there right. Might wonder if im ever happy, and yes, yes i am. But when you're happy you usually dont feel the need to write anything. Strange isnt it. Whenever you're happy you just want to enjoy the moment for as long as you can. But when you're sad you just want to get it out of our system, and anger... well revenge pops into mind doesnt it along with screaming, hitting, punching, even crying? Oh and then ofc we have the oh so formiliar feeling of jelaousy. Its funny how that works now isnt it. You can be jelaous of people for so many reasons. Its just so easy to get it and oh so hard to get rid of. To be honest there's probably something with everyone i know that i am jelaous of. Well no one is perfect. Perfect really doesnt excist.. I mean perfect for me could be imperfect to you. Perfection doesnt excist in itself. So why are we trying so hard to be something that doesnt excist? It doesnt really make sense. But i guess its always something that keeps us working harder and stuff.
Proving our existance is something i dont really understand. I mean yes, i excist, im here arent i? But what huge difference does that make? Not hell of a big one. The only people who i actually think care properly is family sometimes, cause if you think about it, friends usually forget about you after a while. If you change or they change you might suddenly end up not talking to them. Like when i was smaller, my best friend was this girl called Lola. We were as close as two 7 year olds can be. Then we both moved. We wrote letters and pictures to eachother for a while, but after about two years... the letters stoped coming. Really hadnt talked to her until i found her on facebook again where i tried to catch up and get back in contact with her... she didnt seem too interested. But yeah. Friends come and go. Things that seem important now wont later.
And oh my, relationships.. yes im going to go into this. I think the biggest reason why people are in relationships are, well because of the fear of being alone. Sure its all nice to have someone to cuddle up with and someone to tell you you are pretty and shit. But sooner or later, we all know its gonna end. So its pretty much pointless. Relationships arent really about loving someone. Its finding someone who can stand you for who you are for a longer period of time. Reason why i fail at relationships is mostly because i dont want to get too attached. I hate being hurt. So when i get too close to someone. Its bye bye. Defencemechanism. Its good and bad. Good cause i dont really get hurt, bad cause i always seem to loose all my guy friends. But like said, friends come and go. And relationships also suck when you feel like mean less then you'd hope. Really.
Right now im really just down... Everything is shit. I mean everything. GAH! i cant wait til i get back to sweden where i wont be stuck. Cant wait til i start dancing again. Cant wait to have something to do! Cant wait to see people who actually enjoy my company. Cant wait to get to take walks wherever, go on busses and subways. I want to go home!!!
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