No texting
Ok. Im going to stop texting. Im not going to text unless somone texts me first. Im not going to ask anyone to do anything with me. I feel like im done trying. And these past 2-3 weeks have just been bad anyhow. So im not going to do anything. This is gonna suck. I hate being alone, and i feel i need some kind of contact with someone often through a day to keep my mind occupied. Otherwise my mind wanders and i start thinking stupid things that mess me up more.
Im not going to Kalmar on friday after school. My sister has to work then so we have to get up shit early saturday instead so be there around lunch. Which means that im more or less going to have to be home friday afternoon and evening. Oh well. Wont be that bad. I have my computer. Oh thats right, there's hardly anything to do on the computer, and there are no people to talk to cause everyone will be busy or out. This has just been a fabulous week.. Cant wait for the rest to come.. I need something to occupy my time.. Not like school work but something im actually good at. Like cleaning.. Bad example but still.
My parents asked my again today whats wrong. If something has happened. Why im acting so strange.. I dont know. But it wont help if they keep asking. Just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Doesnt mean that it'll get better by them asking me all the time. Pushing that thought into my head over and over again. Theres something wrong with me. Something wrong.. And then with the speech, "hur dumt det än låter, hur dumt det än känns, så berätta så finns vi här för er". Yeah ok sure. thats fine. Except for the fact that everytime i've asked for help, something else always came first. Job, Helena, Andreas... Always something. Thats why i never go to them. They feel bad about it and apologise but feels like nothign changes... Just like the simple thing like teaching me how to bike.. For fucks sake, im soon gonna be 18 and i still dont know how to ride a bike! Yeah yeah, its easy to learn but, no one has had time to teach me. Yes thats one thing thats stuck to me. I mean who doesnt know how to bike when they're 18?! I mean its time for me to learn how to drive! How the hell am i gonna learn how to do that? No one has the time! And when they do, they want to relax. Which i understand. Thats fine. But still.. Some time woudl be nice. And not time where you ask me why im strange..
.. Not sure how i ended up writing about this.. Might be good to get out of my system though. Maybe thats why im so needy at times. Would make sence right? Oh well.. Still gotta do reseach paper, Int. Rel. essay and swedish presentation.. This is going to fail.
Im not going to Kalmar on friday after school. My sister has to work then so we have to get up shit early saturday instead so be there around lunch. Which means that im more or less going to have to be home friday afternoon and evening. Oh well. Wont be that bad. I have my computer. Oh thats right, there's hardly anything to do on the computer, and there are no people to talk to cause everyone will be busy or out. This has just been a fabulous week.. Cant wait for the rest to come.. I need something to occupy my time.. Not like school work but something im actually good at. Like cleaning.. Bad example but still.
My parents asked my again today whats wrong. If something has happened. Why im acting so strange.. I dont know. But it wont help if they keep asking. Just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Doesnt mean that it'll get better by them asking me all the time. Pushing that thought into my head over and over again. Theres something wrong with me. Something wrong.. And then with the speech, "hur dumt det än låter, hur dumt det än känns, så berätta så finns vi här för er". Yeah ok sure. thats fine. Except for the fact that everytime i've asked for help, something else always came first. Job, Helena, Andreas... Always something. Thats why i never go to them. They feel bad about it and apologise but feels like nothign changes... Just like the simple thing like teaching me how to bike.. For fucks sake, im soon gonna be 18 and i still dont know how to ride a bike! Yeah yeah, its easy to learn but, no one has had time to teach me. Yes thats one thing thats stuck to me. I mean who doesnt know how to bike when they're 18?! I mean its time for me to learn how to drive! How the hell am i gonna learn how to do that? No one has the time! And when they do, they want to relax. Which i understand. Thats fine. But still.. Some time woudl be nice. And not time where you ask me why im strange..
.. Not sure how i ended up writing about this.. Might be good to get out of my system though. Maybe thats why im so needy at times. Would make sence right? Oh well.. Still gotta do reseach paper, Int. Rel. essay and swedish presentation.. This is going to fail.
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