Pointless & pathetic much..?
Tomorrow i have a history test. As usual i study from time to time, leave it a day or two, study some more and etc. Still the more i read, the more i feel i dont get anything. Nothing really sticks in my head. Makes me feel stupid, which makes me mad, whcih makes me kinda upset, which makes me even mader and stupider. Feels like i cant do anything right. I might aswell not go do the test. Im probably gonna get the same grade anyways so whats the point..? To atleast have been there and tried? show that im making an effort? To see how much i actually know? Yes yes its all good i guess. But really i can go, i can try, i can try to show that im making an effort.. but what will the teacher see..? Someone who hasnt bother to study probably. It just seems pointless. And i feel so pathetic for sitting and feeling sorry for myself (which makes me pissed off). Why cant i just ge off my ass and try harder..? where's that will i used to have? I used to be good at studying, used to get pretty ok actually... I just dont know whats happend or how i can change it..
I also want someone to talk to.. but who tell hell is there to talk to? I dont want to talk to my family, they're just gonna want to do something about the issue, whatever the issue may be. And friends.. why would i bother them with my issues..? its better to put on a smile and say everythign is fine. I've tough myself ways to kinda hide when things are wrong.. "im just tired" is the best exuse so far. Ofc it happens that i can be exhausted sometimes so im not saying its always a lie, but it happens. But oh well. Ill bottle it up and forget about it, its all good.
Im gonna get back to studying now.. I still have to do some more english aswell.. Does it never end? well probably. Drawn the thing for english now so atleast thats done. Just gotta improve what i wrote though. Seems like my group really doesnt like me... I really cant bother to care right now though.. taken too much energy as it is. So i'll work on it a bit later.. I forgot my english book in school though.. Guess i'll have to improvise then..
Oh well. Really gonna go study now though.
